Tuesday, March 31, 2009

love your abuser

pt1- Love Your Abuser is the 2007 debut release from Lymbyc Systym & this post was originally a simple recommendation that you should listen to it, buy it if you like, tell your friends about it. I've been playing it recently. It carries a weight and yet, is concise. And I wanted to share it. listen
This is what I came across in a brief search of the name. I don't copy it here to be humourous, but because things like context, communication, interpretation speak to how things work- what things are.
pt2-Unhappy In love with your abuser

Is it normal to have feelings and still be in love with someone that sometimes calls you names, screams at you and hits you or could it possibly be insanity that allows you to still stay with them (I'm a guy by the way)?  
Hi whatwentwrong,

Welcome to eNotAlone!
Yes, it is normal and common. Too many people stay with abusers and are slowly broken. Myself has experience with abusive parents and wife.
Your abuser needs help, counseling or therapy and you possibly too.
If you like you can tell us more about you how feel as well as more about your abuser.
We always will be here for you. 

Unfortunately she sees nothing wrong with her behavior as she mentions how it feels when you're stress and too much is going on. She also says that I should know clear to get out of the way whenever she comes drunk as drunkness also causes you to react wild. That leaves me to take all the blame while she changes the subject when she's calm again.

She behaves like most abusers. She refuses help but You hurt.
She should balance herself. Perhaps she has alcohol issues. 
This can go on for years and decades and often get's worse as victims may get abusive too. 
Short and simple, she gets help and fixed or you better consider to leave. You deserve better.

It all started in our second year and 4 months into our relationship (now it's been almost 3 1/2 years). So it's now been one year. Now I have scratches almost all over my face due to her long and sharp nails, but I also did get punch and on couple of occassions I receive a black eye. I have never answer back though as I would never do anything to hurt her.
I did try leaving several times a few months ago but she would come begging and crying to me to come back that it will be different or would say that I won't find another girl that loves me as she does.

Oh boy, You are in trouble: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
Also read: Wicked.

I read it and sadly she does have almost all of the characteristics in the article. The only difference is that she only acts violent with me and not in front of other people, not even in front of friends and does not apologize anymore like she use to on the first couple of times she hit me, rather she turns nice afterwards.
The more I'm reading the article the more sick I'm starting to feel and the more I'm thinking of ending it for good, not returning.

Thumbs up You have a future Son!
I am very sorry about your feelings now, but I am also happy you came here and see the light! She can't love you!
All you can be is a loving healthy partner to your loving healthy partner. You have a future and deserve better! 
I suggest you:
  • Advise her to seek treatment
  • Split up with her ASAP
  • Enforce strict NC=No Contact
  • Post a thread about your breakup in a related forum, you will get lot's of help there!Also read the wicked link about balancing yourself! 
I focus on mental health issues, if you need help about breaking up, or anything, just ask or make a new thread in a related forum. 
We always will be here for you! 

It is normal to love your abuser. The love doesn't just vanish unfortunately. I just filed for formal separation leading to divorce. He called me names, he threatened to hit me, he ripped up our wedding pictures, waved a knife in my face and threatened to kill me, my family and himself. He blamed me for everything and blamed me for "making" him that mad. And it hurts to go because I still love him.
I deserve to be loved better though.

Reading the loser article above may help you understand and ease your pain. Please remember that losers are incapable of love as they do not love themselves!
Yes, you deserve to be loved..
Not loving oneself really is the biggest loss in life  and it is sad that abusers often destroy ones love of oneself.
functions as  cultural memory 
punctuated with smilies 

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